Dear Charley

The Whole Boy-Girl-Girlfriend Thing

May 23, 2016

Dear Charley,
For the first time in my life, I have a boyfriend. He's really cool, and other girls, who never noticed me before, suddenly want to be bff's with me! Loving this newfound popularity; however, I also notice that they are jealous of me, make fun of what I'm wearing in front of new BF and only invite me to their parties to make sure new BF will come too.

So far, new boy is wonderful and we have fun together. I am worried, tho', about becoming clingy when other girls are around and trying to get his attention.

Here's my real prob: if new BF suddenly becomes ex-BF, what happens to me?

Dating and Desperate

Dear D2,
I can relate to the issue with BFs. Been through some confusing feelings about the boy thing myself lately. And trust me, what you're experiencing is NOT new: some of my best girlfriends—both in 2014 and in the way past—have done some pretty weird things to their bff's over boys.

But in your case... phew. Where to even start?

First of all, if you're clingy, he is not going to like you. If he thinks you're trying to hang on too tight, sure thing that he'll rebel. Plus, if you're so worried you're going to lose him, you probably will. Law of Attraction 101—whatever you put out there will come back to you. So if you're expecting the worst, you'll probably get it.

Second, about those "girlfriends": they're not yours now and probs never will be. It's all about a boy in this case. If they only like you for the the guy you hang around with, why would you even want to be friends with them?

When it comes to girlfriends, I always look at what we have in common besides the boy: do you like going to the movies? Play the same sport? Love to sing in the school choir? If there are things you truly enjoy doing or talking about together, you may get to be good friends. But if you end up being, for someone else, just a means to an end, that's not a basis for friendship.

The bottom line? As Socrates said, "Know thyself." Not easy at our age. But if you and BF really like each other and being together makes you happy, congrats! If going out with him is your idea of a ticket to the "in" group at school... well, I think you're better than that.

Your Partner in Time Travel,